


Don't give up

by Slaskia



Series: From Grief to Revenge [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Getting Help, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 07:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slaskia/pseuds/Slaskia
Summary: Starscream is having trouble keeping himself together after Quickwing's death....





	Don't give up

_Era: Golden Age_

_Vos_  

Quickwing’s funeral had happened today. 

Quite a few bots attended, Winglord Zephyr among them.  Unfortunately, so did Silverdive and he could feel his rival glaring at him throughout the ceremony.  Starscream didn’t have the energy to glare back:  it wasn’t the time or place for it anyway.  At least _he_ recognized that, unlike Silverdive. 

A number of bots gave eulogies.  Some commented how happy they had been for them, expressing regret they didn’t get a chance to spend their rest of their lives together.  Silverdive’s speech was full of praise for Quickwing’s abilities and attention to duty.  Not one word about their relationship, save for a few very thinly disguised insults in Starscream’s direction, which the Winglord quickly reprimanded him for.  Starscream had largely tuned the slagger out anyway. 

When it was his turn, Starscream found he couldn’t properly put to words what he felt, so instead he showed his sorrow by emitting a long, keening howl.  Jetfire would tell him after that it had caused a shiver in his very spark, something a few other’s admitted to as well.  Silverdive, he heard, had called it ‘pathetic’. 

Now he was back in his quarters, the kliks ticking away slowly.  A slow realization building that the funeral had been of no help to him at all.  All it did was confirm that she was gone for good. 

Worse, the investigation on her death was at a standstill.  All that they have confirmed so far was that it was an act of murder.  They had no suspects…and that it happened right at the Tarn border didn’t help matters.  And of course, the Tarnians were not being cooperative:  this will surely help relations between the two cities…. 

He lay on his berth.  _His_ berth…not hers.  Not _theirs_.  His.  Alone.  Cold and empty, like his spark.  He didn’t want to be cold.  He didn’t want to be alone. 

There was a laugh coming from the living room.  His wingmen had been taking turns keeping him company since her death.  Currently it was Skywarp and he was apparently watching something on the view screen.  He fellow seeker did invite him to watch with him, but Starscream had declined, preferring to recluse himself in his room. 

He didn’t want the company of his wingmen.  He wanted _her_.  But she wasn’t here.  Not anymore.  Not ever.  Gone.  Taken.  Joined the Allspark.  _Perhaps I should join her._ The thought startled him, but only for a moment.  What was left for him here?  He felt so empty and cold.  

Almost without willing it, he got up and walked into the living room.  Skywarp was absorbed in his show, not noticing that he had left his room.  Starscream ignored him, moving to the balcony, opening it’s double doors wide and stepping onto it, being greeted by the night sky. 

“Boss?” Skywarp’s voice called out questioningly.  He must have heard the doors open. 

Starscream ignored him, looking out at the city.  A plan forming in his mind.  He put a foot onto the railing. 

“Boss!” The alarm was clear in Skywarp’s voice.  He heard him start to run for him.  To stop him.  Starscream gave his wingmen a sad glance before vaulting over the railing.  He Skywarp’s cry of denial as he fell away from the balcony. 

Starscream let himself fall for a few seconds before transforming.  Falling to his death wasn’t his plan.  He wanted to fly around a bit first.  To see the city, his home, one last time.  Skywarp was coming him, asking him to come back.  He turned off his comms.  Then he saw Skywarp flying beside him. 

With a sigh, he turned into a cluster of buildings.  Starscream made several sudden twists and turns, knowing Skywarp didn’t match his agility in the air.  He succeeded in losing him, then stayed low to ensure he wasn’t spotted again, turning off his signal emitter for good measure. 

Once he was certain he wasn’t being followed, he flew a few loops around the city, taking in the sights one last time.  After he was satisfied, he flew to a particular place in the recreation distract.  A small park where he and Quickwing often spent their rare off time together while they were still getting familiar with each other.  

Starscream transformed and landed near one of the decorative pillars that encircled the park.  Close by was small pool:  he and Quickwing sometimes splashed each other with the water from it.  He sat down, leaned against the pillar and sighed, looking up at the night sky. 

 _Quickwing…I miss you so much.  Before you I never even considered the possibility of falling in love…of wanting a special someone in my life.  You opened that door…but now that door is a black hole…devouring everything.  I…I can’t take this.  I want to…NEED to be with you._  

He raised a claw to his throat, preparing to slice open his lines.  _I will join you…_. 

There was a loud splash, followed by a squeal of panic from a sparkling.  Starscream immediately reacted, his drive to protect sparklings overriding everything else he was feeling.  He quickly reached the pool, found and fished out the sparkling.  “I got you…,” he cooed to it softly, holding it against his chest as he took it back to the spot he had been sitting at. 

After sitting down again, he checked the sparkling for any injuries.  This sparkling, he noted, was almost all white, with pale blue optics.  It wasn’t damaged and it’s intakes were clear, though it was shivering a bit.  Starscream wrapped his arms around it, ensuring his body heat warmed it again. 

“Now…what are you doing out here at this time of night?” he asked it, stroking its head.  “You are going to give your caretaker a sparkattack, you know that?”  The sparkling giggled faintly before reaching up and wrapping its arms around his neck. 

He sighed.  There was no way he could do what he was planning now.  Not with a sparkling around his neck.  It was odd though, he only had one sparkling with him, yet it _felt_ like he had a few dozen:  that warm, comforting feeling was especially potent.  He kept feeling like…he shouldn’t give up.  To not throw it all away.  That he was still needed.  But those weren’t his thoughts…were they? 

Still, it was a feeling he hadn’t felt since Quickwing died.  He relished it… _needed_ it.  Starscream closed his optics, sighing blissfully. 

He must have slipped into recharge, as the next thing he knew he was being shaken awake by Jetfire, whom sounded frantic.  “Commander!”  he was screaming. 

“I’m awake! I’m awake!”  Starscream protested, batting him away.  Now fully aware, he saw Skywarp and Thundercrack on either side of him, both having looks of concern on their faces.  His own concern went to the sparkling.  “This sparkling has wandered from its caretaker, we need to find them!” 

His wingmen looked at each other confused.  “Um…Boss,” Skywarp spoke.  “What sparkling?” 

Starscream gaped at him.  He knew Skywarp was two circuits short of a full motherboard but he _knew_ he wasn’t _blind_.  “The white sparkling in my arms you dolt!” 

“Commander…there’s nothing there,” Thundercracker insisted.  He looked at Jetfire, who nodded his head in agreement. 

Starscream looked down and found they were right:  there was no sparkling.  He jumped to his feet and looked around, seeing no sign of it.  “It must have wandered off before you got here!” he insisted.  “We need to find it!” 

“Starscream.”  Jetfire put a hand on his shoulder.  “We are between spark showers…all sparklings are grown up.  You could not have had sparkling here.” 

Starscream looked at him in numb shock, the truth of his words sinking in.  “Th-then…what was I…holding?”  he asked, his voice trembling.  “It felt real…felt…like the presence of dozens of them at once.” 

Jetfire and the twins looked at each other.  Then his best friend took on a grim, serious expression.  “Starscream…what were you planning on doing out here tonight?” 

He looked away, his wings flatting against his back.  “I was….”  His optics started to cloud up.  “Thinking of joining her….” 

“Boss….” Skywarp’s tone was of shock. 

Jetfire let out a long sigh, his optics closing briefly.  “First thing in the morning, I’m taking you to a grief counselor, whether you want to or not.” 

“I don’t need a-“  Starscream started to protest, but the large seeker cut him off. 

“Starscream!  I believe Primus _himself_ stopped you from doing something stupid!” 

His wings snapped back.  He looked at the twins, whom were nodding with agreement.  “Primus…himself?”  he echoed, in a state of shock.  “But…I….”  He knew _of_ Primus, but he didn’t _know_ the deity aside from he felt form his encounters with sparklings. 

Jetfire had him by both shoulders now.  “Starscream….” His tone was softer now.  “Primus doesn’t want you to join him yet…That much is clear to me.  I am going to ensure his will is followed if it’s the last thing I do!” 

Suddenly Jetfire grabbed him and slung him over his shoulder.  “Jetfire!  Put me down!” he cried, watching as the twins fell into step behind him as Jetfire carried him off.  “As your Commander I order you-“ 

“You are currently severely emotionally compromised,” Jetfire interrupted sternly.  “As your Second, I am following Regulation 619 to forcefully relieve you of duty until such time you are emotionally sound once more.” 

“That’s not how that Regulation works!”  Starscream protested. 

“I am _quite_ certain Winglord Zephyr will authorize it after I report this to him.” 

“Ugh….”  Starscream sighed and slumped in defeat.  As they passed the pool, something caught his eye. 

Standing in the pool was the white sparkling…but older.  It was smiling, nodding at him.  When he blinked, it was gone....

**Author's Note:**

> So...who recognized the Star Trek reference? *smirk*


End file.
